


Bittersweet

by TableForThree_Archivist



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Drama, Established Relationship, Harsh Language, Multi, Post-Half-Blood Prince
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2007-02-04
Updated: 2007-02-04
Packaged: 2018-04-18 23:15:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,367
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4723904
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TableForThree_Archivist/pseuds/TableForThree_Archivist
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hermione decides it's time they talked about just how much everything has changed.  In the end, the only thing the trio can decide on is not to make any decisions about their relationship just yet.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Bittersweet

**Author's Note:**

> Note from Jonathan Andrew Sheen, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [Table for Three](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Table_for_Three). When traffic and uploads slowed to a trickle, it became difficult to justify the hosting expenses. To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in January 2015. I e-mailed all authors about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this author, please contact me using the e-mail address on the [Table for Three collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/triofic/profile).

Hermione supposed they wouldn’t even be in this situation if they had thought things through from the start. Correction, if she had maintained a clear head and had been rational from the start none of this would have happened. She was the logical one after all. She _knew_ better than to let this happen. The problem was, once ‘it’ had started it was too late to stop and became far too complicated an issue that not one of them seemed willing to discuss – until now. And that was only because she didn’t give the boys much choice in the matter.

For the moment they had taken up residence in a small inn located in a muggle settlement just outside Scotland. They had spent most of their Horcrux journey living in tents – and not the magically enhanced kind either for fear that Voldemort would discover what they were up to and use magic to track them. That was why Harry had adamantly refused staying anywhere near populated areas. He wanted to minimize collateral damage as much as possible in the event they were found.

But in the middle of February, warming charms could only do so much – and the same could be said for cleansing charms. The three of them were the walking definition of exhaustion, and she figured a few night’s sleep in a real bed accompanied by long hot showers would do them a world of good. Of course, convincing Harry of that was easier said than done. She talked to Ron first because she knew he would side with her. She felt a bit guilty for doing so, but after spending two months tracking Nagini without making any progress, and the six months before that locating the Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw Horcruxes, she firmly decided they needed a break. Her guilt doubled in size when she knew the only way Harry would ever accept it was if she broached the subject when he was most vulnerable. Needless to say Harry didn’t require much convincing when she was moving her naked body over his.

Freshly showered and reloaded with supplies, the three of them sat huddled around the fireplace in the room they were sharing. It paled in comparison to the hotels Hermione had stayed at with her parents when they traveled, but the accommodations were a hundred times better than the conditions they had been living with.

She didn’t know why she chose that moment to bring ‘it’ up, but she knew if they were ever going to talk about their situation she would have to be the one to initiate the conversation.

“We need to talk about this,” she started slowly, not really sure where to begin.

Harry sighed wearily from where he sat on a nearby chair. “I agreed to spend two days here. I’m not going risk staying any longer than that.”

“That’s not what I was referring to.”

Though he didn’t say anything this time, Hermione could tell by his eyes and the set of his jaw that he knew exactly what she was referring to. A quick glance at Ron beside her confirmed the same thing.

When they continued to stay silent, she said, “neither one of you has anything you want to say?”

“Bloody hell, Hermione, you just dumped this on us,” said an exasperated Ron. “You can’t expect us to know what to say.”

“Honestly, Ron, we’ve all had months to think about this. Surely, this conversation doesn’t come as a surprise unless you thought we would just carry on regardless of the potential consequences.”

“You may be able to treat this like one of your Arithmancy problems but it’s a lot more complicated than that, especially for me and Harry.”

“I know that,” she responded in understanding, resisting the urge to shout that wizarding society wouldn’t be any more accepting of a woman in a relationship with two men than they would be of two men romantically involved with each other. Then again, that would be jumping the gun a bit because they hadn’t decided on anything. She wasn’t sure what to name whatever it was they were doing. Was it just the inevitable next step in their many years of friendship or was it brought on because of the need for comfort due to the constant danger they kept finding themselves in? Everything was further complicated by the fact that she and Ron hadn’t completely figured things out in their own relationship when Harry had come into the picture.

“I think what we need to talk about is whether or not to continue this at all,” Harry spoke up.

Hermione knew she shouldn’t have been surprised by his statement. For one thing, she had been thinking the same thing herself. For another, she was amazed Harry hadn’t tried to pull away from them sooner.

“Is that what you want?” Hermione braced herself for his answer.

“Look, you talked about consequences. What do you think is going to happen when we go back and people find out about us?”

“You make it sound like we’ll be taking out an ad in the _Prophet_. We don’t have to tell anybody, mate,” Ron said to him.

“And you’d be okay sneaking around and lying to everyone?” He looked from Ron to Hermione to gauge their reactions. Even without looking at them, their silence told him his answer. “I guess there’s nothing more to say, is there?” He said bitterly.

Hermione watched with wide eyes as he grabbed his coat and made for the door. “Harry, you can’t – “

“Let him go, Hermione,” Ron cut in, bringing her protests to a halt.

“You know as well as I do that he shouldn’t be going anywhere alone,” she argued. “He didn’t even bring the invisibility cloak with him.”

“When he gets like this the best thing to do is leave him be. Forcing him to talk will only make things worse.”

Hermione was angry because Ron was right. Harry had made a choice – and if she had been thinking logically and rationally she would have realized it was the right one.

 

*    *    *

Against Ron’s advice – and her own better judgment – Hermione went after Harry. She told herself it was only to make sure he was all right and then she would retreat back to their room. She found him in the small pub that belonged to the inn. He was seated in the table closest to the corner and the farthest away from the pub’s other patrons.

She crossed the pub and slid into the empty seat across from him. Contrary to what Ron thought, she wasn’t going to force him to talk about anything. She simply folded her hands in her lap and waited for Harry to speak.

“This isn’t about pushing you and Ron away, you know that right?” He said at last.

She nodded, even though she wasn’t entirely sure she believed him.

“This never should have happened and it needs to stop before – it just needs to stop. At least now, you and Ron can figure things out.”

Hermione raised an eyebrow. “Is that what this is about?”

“Hermione, you’re a brilliant girl so I think you can figure out why it’s for the best that things go back to the way they were,” he said, evading her question.

“What I do know,” she started, “is that this complicates things between the three of us. Things are further complicated by the fact that you and Ginny have unresolved issues. You may have ended your relationship with her, but you still care about Ginny a great deal.”

Harry lowered his eyes, averting her gaze. “I feel like I’m cheating on her, only she’s not my girlfriend anymore.”

“You’re in love with her.”

Harry looked up at her, confusion and a myriad of other emotions reflected in his eyes. “I – I don’t know what I feel for her,” he confessed. “I just know I care for her more than I have any right too.” He shook his head. “Damn it, Hermione, why are you just bringing up Ginny now? Did you even think about her – “ He cut himself off.

Hermione’s expression darkened. “No, Harry, I was too busy throwing myself at you to give any thought to Ginny.” She couldn’t believe Harry had said that. He made her feel like a worthless slag. “Don’t blame your guilt on me. You could have said no, but I seem to recall you being a very eager participant in all of this.” She abruptly stood up and walked away from the table.

Harry followed her. “Hermione, wait,” he said, then grabbed her arm, since she seemed to have no intention of stopping. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it like that. I know this isn’t your fault.”

“Forget it,” she shrugged him off. “This is a mistake and I was stupid for even considering the possibility that it might work between the three of us.”

 _Fuck, you just keep making everything worse_ , _Potter_. There was only one way Harry could think of to undo some of the damage he had caused. He lowered his head, bringing his mouth against hers. When Hermione parted her lips, letting his tongue into her waiting mouth, he deepened the kiss. In a matter of seconds, though, Hermione’s palms were on his chest, pushing him gently – but forcibly – away from her.

“I thought you didn’t want this,” she said, sounding slightly out of breath.

He was still very close to her. “I know what I said before, but I’m still trying to figure all this out.”

“Then maybe we shouldn’t be doing this,” she stated simply and left him standing there alone in the pub.

 

*    *    *

Ron knocked a second time on the door to the loo but again received no response from inside. Looking close to tears, Hermione had gone straight in there upon returning to their room. Ron just _knew_ it was because of something Harry had said, and because Hermione had been too bloody stubborn to leave him alone.

“Unless you’ve charmed the door, I’m coming in, all right?” He called to her. Fortunately for him she had been too upset to cast a locking charm. He found her sitting on the tiles, leaning against the bathtub.

He swore inwardly when he saw her red eyes. “Christ, what did Harry say to you?”

“That’s not important.”

She was being evasive on purpose and Ron had a feeling she was doing that so he wouldn’t find Harry and take a few good swings at him.

“I’ve just been so stupid about this whole thing,” Hermione said, shaking her head.

Ron seated himself on the tiles in front of her. “You’re not the only one.” Okay, so that didn’t sound as comforting as it did in his head. “What I mean is we just let it happen without even giving a thought as to how it was going to work. We talked a bit in the beginning, but not enough.”

“I don’t think it’s going to work,” she admitted in a low voice. “This never would have happened if I had just been a little less bookish and little more popular. Then I probably would have been friends with Lavender and Parvati.”

Ron made a face. “Are Harry and me really that horrible?”

“No, that’s not it,” she said immediately. “It’s just I never would have had this problem with them. Do you know how many times they told me you could never be just friends with a bloke? I always told them they were being ridiculous, but it turns out they were right.”

Ron wasn’t sure if now was the right time to bring this up, but since they were supposedly getting everything out the open, he thought he had a right to know. “So just how long have you fancied Harry for?”

Hermione didn’t seem at all surprised by the question, as if she had been expecting it for some time now. Though she was fairly certain the answer she gave wouldn’t sit too well with Ron. “Fourth year,” she told him.

Ron’s eyes nearly bulged out of their sockets. “ _Fourth year_? You’ve fancied him for that long?”

“It’s not so much that I fancied him for that long,” she explained in a patient voice, “it’s just that I realized my feelings went a little deeper than friendship, but I concluded it was just what happened between two people who had known each other for so long. I was willing to die for Harry if the time came, but I wasn’t in love with him. I couldn’t really put a label on what I felt. It was different with you,” she admitted, blushing. “I knew what I felt from the start, even if I wasn’t able to act on it.”

“I think my feelings were pretty obvious. You could have said something.”

“I was scared. I didn’t know for sure that you had similar feelings. You could have said something too, but as I remember it you were too busy shoving your tongue down Lavender’s throat.”

Ron groaned. He doubted Hermione would ever let him live that down. “Do you always have to bring her up?”

“Do you always have to bring Viktor up?” She countered smoothly.

Ron gritted his teeth and said nothing. Mentioning the Bulgarian Quidditch star was a sure way to get Hermione to stop talking to him for several days and he didn’t want that.

“How long have you fancied Harry?” She asked, turning his own question around on him.

“You can’t expect me to answer that.”

“It’s only fair since you asked me.”

“I’m starting to wish I hadn’t,” he grumbled.

“Ron, there’s nothing to be ashamed of – “

“That’s not it. There’s just some things I’m not ready to talk about,” he said, his tone indicating he wasn’t going to budge on the subject.

“Fine, I’m not going to force you to.”

“Merlin, that’s a shock,” he said sarcastically and Hermione glared at him. “I’d rather talk about us anyways,” he added, changing the subject. “If we decide we shouldn’t do this anymore, where does that leave us? I mean, would you still want to be with me without Harry?”

“We were together before Harry, but it would be different without him,” she said to Ron. “Ron, I love you, “ _and Harry_ , she added silently, but now wasn’t the right time to bring that up. Right now, this was about her and Ron. “If this doesn’t work out, I don’t want to lose you.” She didn’t mean for it to come out sounding like Ron was her backup plan, but the truth was she knew Harry would be the one to pull away if they decided to end things. She also had to accept the possibility that their friendship would never go back to what it was. Maybe it was asking too much to even think that it would, and she loved Ron too much to lose him too.

That answer did make Ron feel better, just not as much as he thought it would. It was only then he realized how much he’d grown accustomed to Harry being a natural extension of his relationship with Hermione. He didn’t want to admit it, especially to Hermione, but deep down he wasn’t sure his relationship with her would be the same after Harry had been a part of it for so long.

 

*    *    *

Sleep eluded Harry that night, but it had little to do with the too small couch he was using as a makeshift bed. It was his choice to sleep there while Ron and Hermione took the bed that was less than ten feet away.

He decided if he was going to be awake he might as well make his insomnia count for something. With his wand within arm’s reach, he muttered _Lumos_ before opening his rucksack and pulling out a stack of tattered books. The three of them had already been through these books dozens of times, but he had to believe they were missing something if they were no closer to finding Nagini than two months ago.

“Couldn’t sleep?” Mumbled a sleepy Ron.

It took a lot to startle Harry these days and he’d heard Ron’s approach from the moment the bed springs squeaked.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you,” Harry apologized.

“It’s okay,” Ron acknowledged, sinking into the couch beside him.

He looked ready to fall back asleep, so Harry figured if he remained quiet that’s exactly what would happen. However, luck was not on Harry’s side that night.

“I thought you should know that whatever happens with us, Hermione and me plan on staying together.” Ron knew Hermione would not want him telling Harry in such a tactless way, but he was tired of skirting around this issue with Harry.

“I expected as much,” was Harry’s deadpan reply.

“I expected more of a reaction from you, but I guess that’s asking too much,” Ron snapped, fully awake now.

“Ron, it’s late – “

“And you’re wide awake so it’s a bullshit excuse,” Ron cut in, remembering to lower his voice this time.

“I knew Hermione would react the way she did, but I expected you would be on my side with this. You know damn well why we can’t keep shagging and carrying on like we’re some fucked up version of a couple.”

“You and Hermione are so bloody frustrating sometimes, it’s a wonder I’m still sane,” said Ron, irritated. “Ever since Hermione brought up the subject you two have gotten it in your heads that we have to make a decision right now. We still don’t know how much longer we’re going to be out here, and I for one, don’t want things to become so bloody awkward that I’d rather be studying for N.E.W.Ts than stuck here with the two of you.”

Harry had a hard time believing what Ron was saying – or rather what he wasn’t saying. “So you’re telling me you want things to go back to the way they were? That we should just go back to shagging and all that without worrying about anything else?”

“Yes.” _Because everything is so much easier that way_ , Ron added silently. “Look, I know this thing with _us_ ,” he said indicating to himself and then to Harry, “isn’t normal. It doesn’t feel wrong, but it’s not exactly right, is it? I mean I sure as hell wouldn’t let another bloke go down on me or do any of the other things we’ve done. But the more we talk about it the more confusing and complicated it gets.”

“So you think denial is the solution to our problems?” Harry said in disbelief.

Ron shrugged. “At least for now, anyway.”

“I think Hermione’s going to have a problem with your logic.”

“I’ll just use my Weasley charm to make her come around.”

Harry choked back a laugh but he couldn’t hide the smirk that formed on his face. “I doubt that will have much effect.”

“Wanker.”

This time Harry did chuckle. This was how it was supposed to be. No awkwardness. No confusion. No complications. Maybe Ron was right – at least for the short term perhaps the best decision they could make was to decide nothing at all. After all, they could only rely on each other now and their friendship had survived far worse events.

Though the survival of the wizarding world rested largely on their mission being a success, Harry couldn’t help but feel removed from everything else that was going on. Maybe that’s why their relationship had changed. Right now, there were no rules or fear of recrimination for their actions and as long as they remained on their Horcrux search it would stay that way.

“Do you two plan on staying out there or are you coming to bed?” Hermione’s voice sounded from across the room.

Harry didn’t know how long she’d been awake, but it seemed she wasn’t cross with him anymore. He wondered if that meant she agreed with ‘Ron’s logic’.

It seemed the only thing Harry could decide on then – though it was not without hesitation – was to follow Ron back to where Hermione was waiting in bed for them.

 

Fin.


End file.
